All we'd lost and found
by maraki1308
Summary: post 7x04- Jamie is invited to Winterfell to negotiate truce with the Starks. What will happen when old secrets come to surface and how will this turn of events affect his relationship with Brienne of Tarth?
1. Chapter 1

Jamie Lannister gazed towards the castle of Winterfell. As a king, his movement had become much more complicated than he'd wished it to be, being always followed by the kingsguard and getting more attention than he was accustomed.

The sky was clear. Snow had covered the castle since his last visit a lifetime ago. Back then, he was the chaperone to king Robert Baratheon, his sister and wife's first husband. Back then, he pretended to be someone he wasn't and done things he had since regretted. One of his greatest sins involved one of owners of the castle, Bran Stark. Jamie was informed that Bran had returned to his family home earlier that year and he hoped that incident wouldn't affect their negotiations. It could certainly endanger his wellbeing in that castle. However, as much as he didn't want to admit, he didn't care the slightest. His only concern was the look of dissapointment he would get from a certain blonde lady.

"The winter is coming", nothern people used to always say and time has validated them. For the first time in a thousand years king's landing was frozen. The once warm capital had now turned into a city of ghosts, as the city's population didn't adjust well to the cold and the upheaval it brought. His army got weak by the incessant war with Daenerys Targaryen and food supplies had decreased which led his people to starvation. They were rapidly losing every single advantage they had over Dany. Even the common folk seemed to warm up to the legendary Khaleesi that had stormed in to conquer Westeros, just like her ancestor Aegon once had.

Every single person in the kingdom felt the impending doom hanging over their heads. Everyone but Cersei. She was still deluding herself into thinking that everything was under their control, that they afforded to be on the offence instead of planning their exit strategy. Cersei's newest obsession was vengence against Sansa Stark. According to his sister, had Sansa managed to maintain Joffrey's interest towards her, they wouldn't have gotten involved with the Tyrrels and her son wouldn't end up dead.

Jamie had taken advantage of his sister's latest lunacy to visit the northerns. He knew that they were currently at an impasse and their last hope was reinstating their alliance with the Starks, a feat that was almost impossible. Especially since Jon Snow, the self proclaimed king of the North, was rumoured to have an intimate relationship with the Dragon queen. And Jamie had pushed his younger brother from a window. But desperate times called for desperate measures.

"When will we finally get to this bloody castle?", Bron cursed besides him, half asleep, his only co-traveler in the royal cartridge. Another change his new status forced on him.

"I don't get paid enough for this", Bron kept on playfully complaining, messing with his friend. Jamie was well aware that Bron was as loyal as it gets, he had proven plently of times, the most recent being him jumping in front of a dragon to save his life. Even if Bron would never admit it, Jamie knew that he was once again getting out of his way to protect Jamie from another suicide mission.

"Oh, just shut up, you would see how close we are if you stuck your neck out of the window", Jamie growled.

The guards opened the gates and there was no hint of the festive welcoming Robert Baratheon had received all these years ago. In fact there wasn't anything formal about this, everyone went on with their tasks without sparing a look towards the King of Westeros.

"The North remembers", another moto the notherns were all too fond of. And it does indeed. A series of mishandlings on the Southern Kings' part had these people declaring their own King.

Jon Snow was witnessing them over the porch alongside with his half sister Sansa Stark. "Welcome Sir Jamie", Jon adressed him. His position's symbolism wasn't lost on Jamie. The confidence he exhuded as he made his statement sound as regal as his title demanded.

Sansa Stark looked at her brother reassuringly, taking pride in his composure. Saying that the woman on the porch was radically different from the girl he remembered would be a vast understatement. It wasn't only the physical transformation, but also her entire posture and the maturity her eyes gave away.

Arya Stark stood a little further behind. The girl was dressed unlady-like, holding tightly her sword in her fist. Hadn't he known better, he would have passed her for the King's guard. And the truth was that, as he would find out later, Arya possesed all the qualities that could make her an excellent knight. Despite her short stature and her delicate features, she terrified Jaimie for a reason he couldn't quite pinpoint. It was probably the intensity and hostility she emitted towards him.

Jaimie felt more overwhelmed when he saw Tyrion unexpectedly show up and walk towards him. Jamie hadn't seen his brother in months, ever since they crossed paths in a battle that almost cost him his life. "Tyrion", Jamie muttered partly dumbfounded and secretly relived to have a trusted person in close proximity in what would turn out to be one of the most challenging periods of his life.

"Long time no see, brother" Tyrion exclaimed "Bron". His expression betrayed the joy he fought to conceal. "Let me escort you to your chambers".

"What are you now their servant?", Bron retorted, not intrested in sticking to the formalities in the slightest.

"No, my dear friend but a lot has happened since the last time we talked and I need to prepare you for what's to come.", Tyrion replied.

"And aren't you Dragonqueen's hand? What are you doing in Winterfelt? Other than taking their crap", Bron stated bluntly, unable to fathom Tyrion's obedience to their enemies.

Jamie didn't hear a word after that. A tall, clumsy, redhead man caught his attention. Well not the man himself, but the emotion his stare gave away. The wildling, as he could tell from his appearance, looked dumbfounded, thrilled even at the sight of the woman she desired. Jamie inferred that he was looking at the woman the man was infatuated with, even without following the direction of his eyes. "It must be one hell of a woman", Jamie thought to himself.

Curiosity took over him, as he turned his head inquisitively to spot the object of this wildling's affection. And damn was he right to be head over heels with the woman. Jamie had the honour to accompany Brienne of Tarth not so long ago and despite her less customary physical appearance, she was one rare Safire.

Brienne was brave, loyal to a fault and as he came to learn from experience extremely protective of the people she loved. She was the opposite of Jamie in so many ways. To begin with, she had never broken an oath in her life, unlike the Lannister knight that was a world-renowned oathbreaker. She was driven by a deep sense of honour which Jamie came to admire the most about her. Last but not least, behind her tough exterior hid a very sensitive soul that preserved her faith in humanity. There hasn't been a single person in his life than inspired him to be better more than Brienne of Tarth.

Even though, Jamie could admit that she could work on her sense of humour. Ohh and her stubborness. He wondered how she could possibly be one of the most serious people he has ever met, yet turn into a petulent child once they started bickering.

Brienne had just entered the yard, unaware of the occurrences. Once she felt Tormund's gaze onto her, she turned her head the other way, eager to escape from the unwanted attention. Another unique trait she possesed; she wore her emotions in a way that made them apparent even to the random observer. What had troubled Jamie was that he felt a profound relief over Brienne's ignorance towards the man.

It was Brienne's turn to spot Jamie amongst the crowd. The look on her face made him wish he had gotten the wilding treatment. Through her eyes, he could discern emotions he had only seen once they first met: contempt, hostility, aversion even. Therefore he could tell in a single look; she knew.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the delay, but life got in the way. Also, this chapter took forever to write so I hope you'll enjoy it. Any helpful suggestion in the comments will be appreciated. ;)**

The first exchange with the Starks didn't go as anticipated, but their situation didn't leave room for pride, Jamie thought. Tyrion was very specific in his description of the perils this visit bore. Apparently, his younger brother was concerned regarding Daenery's temperament, possibly resembling that of her father's.

Despite Tyrion's admiration of Dragonqueen's passionate stance in certain issues, her ever-growing impatience and the ruthlessness she had shown against her enemies had troubled Tyrion and stirred his once blind trust towards the young conqueror. Jamie was well aware of Tyrion's fascination with dragons and the Targaryen history. He also knew that his brother loved to narrate the battle that had resulted in the Lannister's downfall three hundred years ago. Aegon and his sisters had sparred his ancestor's life and allowed their house to exist and them to be born. Tyrion's conclusion was always that the greatest virtue was mercy, and Jamie could see how the possibility of Daenerys lacking it could be such a dissapointment to his brother.

"What about Jon Snow? How does he fit into the equation and why are you in Winterfell and not alongside your beloved queen?", Jamie inquired, seeking to examine the validity of the rumours he'd heard. Gathering intel from their enemies had turned into a nightmare for his team in Westeros, as Tyrion had made sure that only a trusted few would have access to Daenerys, well aware of the techniques Cersei's advisors used to spy on them.

"Jon and Daenerys are planning a wedding. As did you as I've learned. Congratulations are in order, bold move!", Tyrion stated. Jamie picked up on his sibling's evasive way of answering his question, making him wonder once again why he does even bother trying to outsmart Tyrion Lannister. He could see right through him every single time.

"I was surprised to hear to be honest", Tyrion added.

"Well Cersei is pregnant and we wanted to do things right for once.", Jamie replied honestly, his expression not being one of a man pleased with the turn of events.

"You or Cersei? Our sister was never one to value morality and its decrees. She's also rather stubborn, once she sets her mind on something.", Tyrion suggested. "I mean it was a risky move afterall, in the mean of a war nonetheless. And this blattant ignorance of politics is all Cersei if you ask me. She's a bright mind but she tends to get carried away when her arrogance comes into play."

"Are you suggesting that she forced me into marrying her?", Jamie protested "How did you even infer that?"

"Had it happened three years ago, I wouldn't have bat an eye. But for one, my last encounter with our sister convinced me that she has turned into a complete lunatic ever since Tommen's death and I'm sure you have noticed. I would be scared around her too in your shoes." Tyrion called Jamie out as directly as only a sibling could.

"Well, she is a little deranged lately and yes I'm tiptoeing around her a lot, but not because I'm afraid.", Jamie desperately defended himself against Tyrion's accusations. "You might have forgotten with Dragonqueen and all, but family loyalty is what ensures our survival. My relationship with Cersei might not be what it once was, but she needs someone to make sure that she retains her last segments of sanity. Otherwise she will self-destruct and take the kingdom along with her."

"Funny how in the same speech you gave to deny your fear of her, you admitted how dangerous she is.", Tyrion exclaimed, producing an unprecedentently strong reaction to his brother.

"It's even funnier that you were admitting to similar concerns just a few moments ago. Yet, I am the one to account for my choices? Typical.", Jamie hissed.

"Look I get it, it's not easy to admit that you've bet on the wrong horse. And you are right, I might be struggling with the same concerns. But at least my horse has plenty of opportunities to prove herself a worthy ruler. You, on the other hand, are dealing with the certainty of your failure instead of a probability.", Tyrion expressed his thoughts in a certain and at the same time unaffected tone, that drove Jamie off the rails.

"Oh, you must all take me for such a fool, don't you?", Jamie retorted at Tyrion. The intensity of the statement took him by surprise. It wasn't the first time that he felt insulted by his own family. He wasn't as intellectual as Tyrion or even as capable in scheming as Cersei, but he certainly wasn't stupid as his sister used to throw at him during their fights. Combat and strategy require as much mental effort as politics, he used to remind himself whenever Cercei's hard words caught up to him. "I know what manipulation looks like and I would never expect you to use it to turn me against our family so shamelessly."

Tyrion starred dumbstruck as Jamie exited the room, unable to pinpoint what set off his brother.

Jamie's explosion managed to get the attention of the old steward that was standing beside their door. The man was clearly preoccupied cleaning the corridor with a raven on his shoulder. Jamie carelessly clashed with the man, scaring his bird away from him. This interaction left Jamie with a cold, numbing sensation unlike anything he'd ever experienced. The stranger's stature was short and betrayed his physical weakness at this advanced age. His wrinkled eyes oozed of hostility, with an undercurrent threat overwhelming his every move. Jamie couldn't fathom how a sickly, sinile old man could cause him shivers with only a single gaze. Winterfell terrified him, standing proud and frozen, haunting him with ghosts he had long considered dead and burried.

* * *

Jamie sat on a rock, insulated, as far from the hostile Notherns as he could. This day gave him some of the most humiliating experiences of his life. His status was heavily disregarded, his reunion with his brother had turned into a fight that left Jamie feeling vulnerable and exposed and out of every person in this castle that chose to stop aknowledging his existence, there was a certain blonde whose contempt wounded him deeply.

"I have never thought of you as dumb by the way. You are a very smart person", Tyrion startled Jamie. Tyrion had spent a considerable amount of time in an effort to find his brother and alleviate his pain.

"Not a good time for pep talk Tyrion", Jamie said in a low voice, his tone betraying how defeated he felt in that instance.

"You know what I always admired about you? You are loyal. To a fault, in fact. It's what sets you from the crowd, what makes you a great knight and partner.", Tyrion explained in a loving manner.

"Still not in the mood", Jamie begrudged. His countenance didn't bespeak the slightest change in his disposition, despite the joy his brother's approval gave him.

"Have you ever consider that sometimes that loyalty is misguided? That in your effort to do right by our family, you've sacrificed too much of yourself? I love her too, you know and as far as I'm concerned, I will make sure that she'll remain unharmed. But we can't shield her from her actions forever. She's not fit to rule. You don't believe in her and you are miserable around her." Tyrion's speech softened Jamie's demeanor. It has been a long time since Jamie had been treated as an equal in any conversation.

"I'm not miserable",Jamie denied despite sensing the futility of his attempt to convince his brother otherwise.

"Then why aren't you standing by your beloved queen? Why are you in this futile mission? The Starks will never bend the knee and you know it. You are clearly seeking something else in the North." Tyrion's observation took Jamie aside. He wondered how it could be possible for Tyrion to have noticed, when he had been particularly careful not to give away his affections towards Brienne, given the fact that he was in enemy territory and distrustful of the reception he would get. "And what is that you all-mighty know-it-all?"

"The same thing that got you brooding and staring into the blank", Tyrion replied confidently.

"She hates me, Tyrion", Jamie hurled, "She's the first person that truly bothered to look beyond the kingslayer label, you know. She believed in me and helped me believe in myself again. She knows."

"You are being too hard on yourself.", Tyrion tried to console his brother. "First of all she doesn't know what you think she does."

"And how do you know what I think she knows?", Jamie tried to feint indifference, uneffectively masking his shame upon his past actions and his curiosity as to whether Tyrion could have been as perceptive as he claimed to be.

"I know what you think she knows, because I know my brother. Your insistence back them on Bran being better off dead gave you away, not as smooth as you thought you were.",Tyrion enlightened him,"And had they known you wouldn't be able to even cross the door alive, Jon adores his siblings."

"Then what does she know?",Jamie enquired. His ardent need to get to the bottom of Brienne's mysterious conduct towards him was now way too evident, but he couldn't care less at that point.

"Why don't you figure out yourself?", Tyrion suggested and proceeded to point at Brienne who was training with Podrik.

 **J/B meeting in the next chapter!**


End file.
